No Souvenirs

Author's note: This is set following the events portrayed in The Way We Weren't, two cycles prior to the events in the Premiere.

After the relative calm of the life aboard the Leviathan, the bustle of the command carrier's flight deck was an assault on Officer Aeryn Sun's senses. Technicians, pilots, and assorted other personnel were going about their daily business without regard for the landing of one lone transport pod. As she disembarked from the transport, Aeryn was glad of the anonymity of the large hangar. She glanced furtively around. Nobody she knew was currently on the deck, and they probably wouldn't have noticed her if they had been. She shouldered her knapsack, tucked her black half-helmet under her other arm, and stepped into the whirlwind of activity. This was her home, but it certainly didn't feel like it to Aeryn Sun.

Aeryn was immediately swept along with the tide that was moving toward the exit. She held her identity chip up to the sensor and was rewarded with a chirp of acknowledgment. Aeryn made her way down the carrier's corridor to the elevator. Aeryn absent-mindedly pressed the control to go up to Command. The lift carried her, along with several staff officers, to the main bridge level. One of the officers, a young male with his newly-minted Lieutenant's bars still shiny, looked down his nose at the lowly Pleisar who was taking up valuable space in his elevator. Aeryn narrowed her eyes and stared coldly back at him. The lieutenant quickly backed down. His dark hair and eyes reminded her of another young lieutenant, one that had looked at her much differently.

The doors to the lift opened with perfect timing. Aeryn hadn't wanted to think about the reason that she was back here. All she wanted to do was to get this over with. She waited until the higher-ranked officers left, then she made her way across the hall to Lieutenant Teeg's quarters. She pressed the chime. Aeryn squared her shoulders and went into the office.

The room was spartan and harsh, reflecting the personality of the occupant. It was dominated by a large black console desk, with a chair facing away from the entrance. The person in the chair turned around ominously. Aeryn was in luck; it was Teeg herself. Crais' Executive Officer was a slender blonde woman with cold blue eyes and personality - the ice that countered Crais' fiery temper. Teeg expected to have her own command soon, or at least the rumors claimed. She'd risen quickly through the ranks, and all she had to give up was her personality. As Aeryn entered, she felt the older woman's frigid gaze rake her. "Officer Aeryn Sun, Ikerian Brigade, Pleisar Regiment," she saluted and introduced herself.

"At ease, Officer. You are here because?" Teeg's eyes focused on Aeryn and she returned the salute casually.

Aeryn dropped her arm to her side. "I was recently assigned to a classified mission aboard a Leviathan. Captain Crais instructed me to inform you that I was to receive any assignment that I wished, now that my detail is over."

Teeg casually looked her over again. "I see," she nodded. "And you wish...?"

"To return to my previous unit."

That answer surprised the exec. Her eyebrow raised a notch, but betrayed no other emotion. "Officer Sun, if I remember correctly, Commander Tal recommended you for this detail because he felt that you were capable of being more than just a Prowler pilot. This secret assignment was a step toward your promotion. Yet you want to return to your old unit?" "You can be so much more," Velorek had said to her - before they took him away... Aeryn took a deep breath. "That is correct, Lieutenant."

The woman looked at Aeryn like she had gone insane. "Very well, Officer Sun. It's your career," she said with resignation. Teeg took Aeryn's ident chip and waved it in front of a computer on her desk. She keyed in a few numbers, and the console chirped in reply. "Your request is accepted. Report to Commander Tal in his quarters on Level 10."

"Yes, thank you," Aeryn replied. She took her ident chip back and saluted smartly. Teeg returned the salute. This is what I wanted, Aeryn thought as she strode from Teeg's office, so why am I so frelling unhappy? Her mood sank, just like the lift that was carrying her back down to her quarters.

Level 10 of the command carrier was swarming with activity, like most of the residential decks. The atmosphere here was much more relaxed than up in Command. Here there were very few senior officers, just the lower ranking officers that didn't rate more space. At least being a Pleisar officer her afforded some privacy - the technicians, infantry, and noncoms were often packed in four to a room on the lower decks. As Aeryn walked down the hall, she was greeted with a few waves and nods. She acknowledged them blindly. She felt as if everyone was staring at her and whispering, even though she knew rationally that it wasn't true. People came and went all the time in the Service. Aeryn was just one more soldier returning from an assignment.

She reached the hall where the Ikerian Brigade was housed, and rang the chime on the door on the right. After a microt, the door slid open to reveal Commander Braydon Tal. Tal was a tall, muscular older man with curly gray hair, care-worn blue eyes, and a faded scar on his weather-beaten right cheek from an old battle. He was an anomaly - an old soldier commanding an elite unit. Most Peacekeepers of his age had their Captain's bars and own Command Carrier. Tal, however, loved flying and teaching other pilots. High Command valued his experience enough to agree, as did the pilots under his command. Aeryn saluted with a bit of apprehension, like a child who had done something wrong that her father didn't know about yet. Tal's stern demeanor cracked as he saw her standing at his door. "At ease, Officer Sun," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "Come in."

The door shut behind her, and he grinned at her. Aeryn, relieved, smiled for the first time since she was in bed with Velorek two days earlier. "Aeryn Sun," Tal shook his head with disbelief. "I didn't expect to see you back here, unless it was with Lieutenant's bars pinned to your uniform. So, what happened?" he asked skeptically. "That Tech Lieutenant didn't find fault with your performance, did he?"

No, not even at the end, Aeryn thought regretfully. She smiled ruefully. "No, sir. On the contrary. Lieutenant Velorek, um, appreciated my skills. He asked me to come with him. He said that he could arrange it with High Command."

"You never answered my question," he chastened her. "So, why didn't you go?" Tal asked, inviting her to sit on a straight-backed metal chair.

Aeryn put her helmet down and took a seat, deliberately looking away from her commander's questioning gaze. "I wanted to come back, sir. I specifically asked to return."

Tal's eyebrow went up in surprise. "I see..." he said hesitantly. He sat down on the bed across from her. "I'd hoped that you would have used this assignment as a springboard for promotion. You're a good officer, Sun, and the best pilot I've seen in cycles. You deserve it."

Aeryn smiled, embarrassed by Tal's praise. "Thank you, sir." She hesitated. "Commander, when I was five cycles old, I saw a squadron of Prowlers training. I decided then that I wanted to fly. I wanted to come back for the same reason that you never went into command, sir. I'm a Prowler pilot, not a glorified chauffeur," she smiled ruefully.

Tal regarded her for a moment. He knew her too well to be put off by her change of subject. "What happened out there, Sun?" he asked. She felt like his eyes were drilling a hole through her. "I know that the details of your mission are classified, but I have the feeling that you're not telling me everything that you can."

"Sir..." she began, then stopped. She wanted to go on, to tell him about Velorek and what had happened between them. But some things shouldn't be shared with one's commander, even as close as she was to Tal. "I don't want to talk about it right now." Aeryn stared intently at the floor to avoid his gaze.

"I understand, Aeryn," he nodded, almost gently. She looked up in surprise at him using her first name. His craggy face broke into sympathetic smile. "You're tired, and you probably want to settle back in. Your quarters are still vacant, if you want them back."

Aeryn smiled gratefully. "Thank you, sir. I'd like that."

"Oh, Sun?" Tal asked. "There has been one change since you left. Reveq was transferred to a commando unit. I need a new Squadron Leader. I'm nominating you. I'm going to get you those Lieutenant's bars one way or another," he winked.

Aeryn's jaw dropped. "I... I don't know what to say, sir," she stammered. "I'm honored that you chose me, but I don't deserve it." Not with what I've just done, she thought.

Tal stood, and motioned for her to do the same. "Shut up, Sun, and accept the complement. You're the best pilot in this unit, and a natural leader. I'd be remiss in my duties if I failed to nominate you for Squadron Leader. Now, go get settled in. We have a mission briefing tomorrow at eight arns."

As Aeryn turned to leave, the chime to Tal's door rang abruptly. "Enter!" the Commander called out, and the door slid open. She found herself staring up into a familiar set of hard, black eyes. It was Crais! Aeryn gasped and felt the color drain from her face. She turned back toward Tal hoping for intervention.

"Am I interrupting anything, Commander Tal?" The voice was different - younger, and more deferential. She looked again at the man in front of her. It wasn't Captain Crais, but he looked very much like him.

"No, Officer Crais, come in," Tal motioned for the young man to come into his quarters. "While you're here, let me introduce you to your new Squadron Leader. Aeryn Sun, meet Tauvo Crais. He's the younger brother of our esteemed Captain." Aeryn caught the slight inflection in Tal's voice. She knew that Tal had very little respect for Captain Crais, and that the feeling was mutual. Tread lightly with this one, she thought, because he's probably a spy for Big Brother.

Young Tauvo Crais saluted smartly, and Aeryn caught the glint off of the shiny new Officer's bar on his uniform. She looked at Tal hesitantly for confirmation. He smirked and nodded at her in return. Aeryn returned the salute with the casual indifference that she'd seen in senior officers. "Nice to meet you," she said drily. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I would like to settle into my quarters." She breezed by young Crais, who was staring at her like... well, like she had stared at her first Squadron Leader.

Aeryn walked in a daze down the familiar hallway to her old quarters. She placed her ident chip in front of the optical lock, and the door opened with a hiss. It was the same cramped, windowless, closet-sized room as before. It was about a third of the size of her quarters on the Leviathan, but it felt like home. The bed had a pillow, sheets and blanket stacked at the foot, waiting for her to make it. Wedged in was a clothes rack and drawers, computer console and straight-backed chair. A door in the back of the room led to the one luxury of the Officers' quarters - a tiny private bathroom. Aeryn put her knapsack down and began to place her clothes in the drawers. She pulled out a black shirt with a familiar masculine scent - Velorek. One of his work shirts must have been mixed in with her belongings. An overwhelming wave of remorse washed over her as she stood clasping the shirt to her body. "Velorek, I'm so sorry," she whispered into the shirt. "I didn't realize that it would turn out like this. I never meant to hurt you." Her eyes started to water and her nose started to fill up. She hadn't cried in a very long time, and she wasn't about to start now.

Aeryn dropped the shirt into her drawer with the rest of her clothing. She dug into her knapsack until she found her exercise gear - a close-fitting pair of leggings and a support top. She changed quickly, then carefully hung up her uniform. Then, she brought up the computer console to check for available exercise rooms. Luck was with her - there was an open room on this level. She grabbed a towel and stepped out into the bustling corridor.

"Aeryn! When the hezmana were you going to tell me you were back?" snapped Officer Daya Jaad as she practically collided with Aeryn. Daya, Aeryn's closest friend and the field medic for the Ikerian Brigade, was slightly shorter than Aeryn, with a compact build, green eyes, and a scattering of freckles across her turned-up nose. Her most striking feature was her long, wavy, bright red-orange hair, which was doing its best to escape its leather hair-wrap.

"I just got through talking to the Old Man. How did you find out I was back?"

Daya put her hands on her hips and gave her a wry look. "The only thing that flies faster than an Ikerian Prowler is gossip. You should know that," she commented drily. "Headed to a workout room?"

Aeryn shot her friend a nasty look back. "No, I'm headed up to Command in my exercise gear," her voice dripped with sarcasm. "Of course I'm going to exercise. I have the overwhelming urge to beat the dren out of something." She walked briskly toward the exercise room.

Daya paced her. "Want a partner?" she asked. "It'll just take a microt for me to change."

Aeryn considered the offer. "Sure, why not?" They paused in front of Daya's quarters. The door opened to another closet-sized room, only this one showed signs of habitation. Aeryn's attention was drawn to a bottle of raslak and two glasses on the computer console. "Does the Old Man know you have that?" she asked and nodded at the bottle.

"I'm the field medic, remember? It's strictly for medicinal purposes," Daya laughed. "You look like you could use some, as a matter of fact."

"Is that your medical opinion?"

"No, it's the opinion of your blood-sister," Daya said as she stripped.

Aeryn chuckled as she looked fondly at an old scar on the palm of her right hand. On the eve of their graduation from Peacekeeper training, the two sixteen-cycle-old girls had cut their hands, mingled their blood, and pledged to be sisters forever. "I'll pass. I don't want to give you any advantage over me on the mat."

"You'll need every advantage you can get!" They laughed together. It felt good to laugh, Aeryn thought. She'd missed Daya's familiar, easy banter during these past few weeks.

The lights in the exercise room brightened as the two women entered. Aeryn and Daya removed their shoes and stepped onto the springy mat. Aeryn walked to the far side of the mat and began to stretch out her muscles. The warmup brought her back into focus. She hadn't been doing a lot of exercising while on the Leviathan. Well, not in the ring, anyway.

"So," Daya began as she reached back and grabbed her ankle and pulled it up behind her back, "when are you going to tell all me about this mission?"

"It was classified. I can't tell you anything," Aeryn replied, then bent forward to grab her ankles and stretch her calf muscles.

"What a load of dren," Daya snapped as she twisted her torso. "What about that tasty Tech Lieutenant? What was his name...?"

"Velorek," Aeryn whispered and turned to face the wall. "I don't want to talk about it, Daya." She extended one leg and stretched it, then switched legs.

"Oh, come on!" Daya urged. "You may be uptight, but you're not dead. He was gorgeous! I can't believe you didn't frell him."

"Well, maybe I'm not a tralk like you," Aeryn snapped back, getting irritated. "Is there any man on this carrier you haven't recreated with? Besides the Old Man, that is."

"Captain Crais. I'd sooner frell a diseased Hynerian than do him," Daya laughed. "His younger brother is kind of cute, but he probably shares Big Brother's obsessions."

Aeryn thought of the look on Crais' face after Velorek was dragged out of his quarters and shivered. "I just met, what's his name - Tauvo. He seems all right, but the Old Man gave me a subtle warning about him."

Daya and Aeryn faced each other on opposite sides of the Peacekeeper symbol that bisected the square on the mat. The bowed to each other formally, then leaned forward on the balls of their feet to assume the proper fighting stance. It was a ritual that they had done since they were paired as children in their first hand-to-hand combat class. They raised their arms above their heads in the archer position, and began.

Aeryn attacked first, with a fast right-handed punch towards Daya's head, followed by a vicious backswing. Her opponent dodged it perfectly. "You always start off with that move," Daya goaded. "You are so predictable."

"Predictable, huh?" Aeryn feinted with her left, then swung her leg up to deliver a kick to Daya's midsection. The redhead blew out air with a whoosh, but she recovered quickly. "How predictable was that?"

"Better," Daya agreed, "but it's still one of your usual moves." She swung with her right arm, which Aeryn blocked easily, then aimed a punch at Aeryn's midsection. Aeryn countered both swings easily. They backed away from each other and assumed the archer position again. "So, did you frell him?" Daya asked between breaths.

Aeryn aimed a kick at Daya's face. Her opponent blocked it, but Aeryn swung around and pulled Daya off-balance. "What would you say if I told you that I did?" she asked, as Daya landed on the mat and rolled.

The redhead grinned lasciviously as she stood up. "Good for you!" she laughed, and laid a rapid series of blows at Aeryn, who backed up until her bare feet touched the edge of the mat. "So, was he any good?"

Aeryn held up a hand to indicate a stop. The two women returned to the center of the mat. "It was strange," Aeryn confessed, and dropped her arms. Suddenly, she didn't want to practice. She took a deep breath and continued. "Daya... it was different. It wasn't casual. We actually felt something for each other."

Daya arched one tawny eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. "No dren?" she breathed heavily. "You're sure? What happened?"

"He asked me to go with him after the assignment was over. He said that he had friends at High Command that could take care of it."

"So, what are you doing back here?" Daya grinned. "Why aren't you flying off on another secret mission with Lieutenant Gorgeous? Any sane woman would have done it."

"I wanted to, Daya. I really did. But," she whispered, "I was afraid," she admitted shamefully as she dropped to her knees directly over the Peacekeeper symbol on the mat.  Daya knelt down beside her. She put a comforting hand on Aeryn's shoulder. "What really happened on that Leviathan, Aeryn?"

Slowly Aeryn confessed to her friend her attraction to Velorek, how he'd seemed different than any man she'd ever known before. She'd noticed something different about him from the first moment she'd met him in the transport hangar, shortly after Tal had given her orders for her secret assignment. Velorek reminded her a lot of Tal in the way he treated those under his command with respect and encouragement. On the third solar day into their mysterious voyage, he'd come to her quarters after her duty shift. They'd talked for arns, and somehow wound up in bed after that. During their time together, Aeryn came to feel things for Velorek that she'd never felt for any other man. She recalled what her mother had said before she died, that Aeryn was the product of a love match and not Peacekeeper breeding. She finally began to understand her mother's emotional reactions when she talked about Aeryn's father.

"However, Velorek started pushing for more of a commitment," Aeryn explained. "He wanted me to come with him."

"And you didn't want to?" Daya asked.

Aeryn smiled sadly at her friend. "I'm a Prowler pilot, Daya. You of all people should know how hard I worked to get where I am." Aeryn grinned, then got more serious. "Velorek was asking me to give up it all up for him. I panicked. I overheard him... well... I overheard him saying something about going against Crais' orders, and I reported it."

Daya's jaw dropped. "You did WHAT??"

"Lieutenant Braca cornered me one day during my duty cycle. He said that he knew that Velorek was up to something that went against Crais' orders. He insisted that I tell him everything that happened with Velorek. You know how Braca can be," she paused.

"Yeah, a self-serving little ima-kisser," Daya whispered snidely.

Aeryn cringed, hoping nobody heard her friend's assessment of the carrier's Second Officer, then continued. "The assignment was nearly complete. I figured that Braca would tell Crais, and he'd get a reprimand or something like that. I was totally unprepared for what happened next." Daya nodded wordlessly to encourage Aeryn to continue. Aeryn's voice shook as she went on, "Crais and some of his personal guards burst into Velorek's room when I was there. We were both in our underclothes." Aeryn put her face into her hands to hide her guilt. "Crais arrested him and his thugs dragged him out of there without even giving him the chance to dress! It was humiliating."

"Oh, Aeryn," she felt Daya's arm around her shoulder. "That's terrible!"

"The worst part is that," she paused. The tears were threatening to flow again, and she fought them as hard as she would an enemy. "Velorek didn't blame me. He said that I'd found a way to distinguish myself. Even as they were dragging him out, he forgave me. Then, Crais told me that I could have any assignment that I wished for turning in the traitor. The way Crais looked at me, Daya... it was like he was my pimp. It was so degrading!" She shuddered at the memory.

She leaned into Daya's shoulder and let her friend comfort her. After a long time, Daya said, "you did the right thing, Aeryn."

"What?" Aeryn gasped.

"Crais would have found out sooner or later. What do you think would have happened if you had been implicated? Do you think that Crais would have believed that Velorek's recreation partner didn't know what he was up to?"

"He'd accept my word as a Peacekeeper officer."

"Don't be so naive!" Daya chided her. "You'd be in the cell next to your lover, and no amount of protesting from your or him would get you out of there. Even if you did, you'd still be under suspicion for the rest of your career. Velorek was right. You weren't to blame. He was. He knew what he was doing was against orders, and he didn't want to drag you down with him. He was protecting you."

"I don't deserve it," Aeryn confessed.

Daya snorted in disgust. "Quit beating yourself up over it, Aeryn. You had no choice in the matter. Crais and his little suck-up, Braca, made sure of that. If you want my advice, forget about Velorek.. Find someone else and move on."

Aeryn stared at the harsh black slash of the Peacekeeper symbol on the wall of the exercise room for a few microts. The only sound was the two women breathing. "How do I do that, Daya? I felt things for him that I've never felt for anyone - even you, and you're my blood-sister. I can't deny what happened between us."

Daya snorted again. "You are impossible! How do you do anything? You take it one solar day at a time! You start thinking about him, you come down here and hit the bag a few times. Or go out in your Prowler and do a few maneuvers. Distract yourself. Pretty soon you won't think about him at all.. Thinking too hard is dangerous. It'll only get you killed."

Aeryn stared hard at her friend. Then, she shrugged and gracefully stood up. "I suppose," she sighed. She extended a helping hand to Daya, who took it. The redhead pulled on the extended arm, then she suddenly spun Aeryn around and aimed a kick at her midsection. Aeryn hit the mat with a surprised look on her face and a loud exhale. "What the frell did you do that for?" she gasped between breaths.

Daya smiled sweetly and extended a hand to her friend. "Just a little reminder to keep you on your toes," she laughed as she pulled Aeryn to her feet. "You never know who to trust."

"Well, I trust that I can still beat you," Aeryn grinned as she aimed a blow at Daya's head. Her friend countered it, and they continued their fiercely intricate ballet until the arn was over.

Aeryn bid Daya good-night and entered her own quarters. She was still flushed from their heavy exercise, and desperately wanted a shower. She peeled off her clothes and threw them onto a pile on her bunk, then stepped into the shower stall. The lukewarm water and soap washed away the last shred of doubt that she had about her experience on the Leviathan. Daya was right, she needed to put it out of her mind and move on. Velorek was probably dead by now, or would be soon - if she knew Crais. It was a shame, but it was the Peacekeeper way not to dwell on death. Thinking made things difficult. It truly was better this way.

She turned off the water, toweled off, and combed the knots out of her long black hair. Aeryn reached into her drawer for a clean shirt, and pulled out a masculine-scented black work shirt. She'd forgotten that she had one of Velorek's shirts in her possession. With one look at the shirt, the whole sordid incident came flooding back into her mind. "No, I'm not going to think about it," she said aloud. Aeryn clasped the shirt to herself and murmured into it, "Goodbye, Velorek." Then she threw it onto the pile next to her dirty exercise gear. She reached for another clean shirt from her drawer and pulled it over her wet hair. She sent her exercise clothes down the laundry chute, then looked at the black shirt. She hesitated for a moment, then threw it into the waste chute, where it was carried away with a pneumatic whisper. There would be no mementoes, no souvenirs, and no more thoughts of the good-looking Technician with the kind eyes and gentle touch that broke her heart.